Sentimental Gamer

Why are we so drawn to fantastic landscapes and fantasy adventures? I just thought now that it's because they make a visual image out of what our mind feels. I don't mean it in the sense of "hmm that's a cool landscape in my head" and then we make it. I mean that we have a feeling, a sense in our head, that is very nicely visualized by the fantasy adventure.

But now it's been made common by the plethora of adventure pictures and novels and game titles.

So if I can find a new way to "frame" this feeling in the head, hot diiiiiiiggity... that'd be a nice starting point for a game.

Posted by Ben Humberston at 11:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

The funny thing about imagination... is that you think it's just imaginary... but if you augment the world as you see fit, then where's the line?

Posted by Ben Humberston at 11:14 PM | Permalink | Comments

It's weird... I'm not sad about it anymore.

I'm not saying it's ok, or that I'm happy, or that I'm perfectly fine with his not being here...

But his dying is what I was sad about. Dying is awful, death isn't.

It's weird... I'm not saying I understand it all... I understand nothing more than I did before, but I see it more... as I lie in bed at night, I just talk mentally to the air, and I address him. Still have no clue if it's meaningful at all, but if it's not... then what is lost? If he's gone, if the last physical trace of him is the pile of ash in a box, then what would it matter anyways? I'm at most 80 years from the same fate.

But if he's there... then there's something else. I talk to him in the same way I would ask him about other things he's done before me. High school, going to college, his jobs, etc... the whole dying thing was just another event that he passed through before me. I can't know what he is now, if he's still there, but I can talk to him... just sit there and say "Well what's it like?"

Nothing comes back, and I eventually just go to sleep, but I still do it because, like I said... if he's there, then I want to find him, but if he's not... then it doesn't matter anyways.

But it's weird to have this feeling. I miss him, but I'm not sad that he's gone. I'm sad that he had to die, but now... we knew he would be gone by now while I was coming home... what difference would it have made? And if not by now, then within 30 years, he'd be gone... and what difference would it have made? and if when I'm 90, he'll be gone, and myself close behind... and what difference would it have made? It sounds like I'm bemoaning it, but I'm not. And no it's not a grand, universe-solving revelation. Wouldn't even classify it as that... but it's February, and as I came home on November 3rd, we didn't think he'd make it much past Christmas.... this is what I was ready for... now. So it seems ok, because we expected it now.

Weird.

Posted by Ben Humberston at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Excellent phrase.

The Intense and the Mundane.
The Intensely Mundane.
Mundane Intensity.

...

and pancakes. Ok so pancakes aren't in my head... but the words intense and mundane were... haha.

Posted by Ben Humberston at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

This is too good....

GDIAC: Acronym for the Game Design Initiative at Cornell.... or...

GDIAC: Acronym for "go die in a corner", according to urbandictionary.com

Either way, Schwartz though it seemed pretty appropriate :) .

Posted by Ben Humberston at 3:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

So I finished Syberia... it was ok... it was an adventure game... enough said.

And now I need something new. I need something... just out there, insane, controversial, pulse-pounding. Essentially, I want some game that I don't think exists. And if it does, I dunno about it.

Think of it as the gaming equivalent of death metal, or maybe heavy, loopy techno. No, not a game that uses those types of music in the soundtrack. I just mean a game that is just an insane experience. Irrational, quick cuts. Sometimes I want something normal, some slow graphical adventure or a nice hack & slash. But sometimes, I just need the video game equivalent of a bad acid trip (I, of course, don't actually know what a bad acid trip is like, but I've heard the phrase used enough to gain a rough idea of what it describes... dark, loud, sketchy, sensational... or would that be a good acid trip :) .

Think the illogical magic of Katamari, at least less controlled. The characters in game would have an acute awareness of being in the game. They would stare at you, face filling the screen, address you, then cut out of the picture. Lonely walk in the woods at night, with just the black trees and the glowing blue of the snow, then static-filled cut to city, cut to room, alone in a chair. Music comes and goes as you fly. I guess Vanilla Sky-like... just a loss on the real, or the knowledge that what you see is what is real... you're in control. But it makes no sense.

So this definitely is not a concept doc for said game, but... god I wish I had that game now. I would totally play it :) .

Posted by Ben Humberston at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments