Virginia Tech
Since the past week's been a work nightmare, I've kinda been out of the loop concerning the shootings at VTech. I mean, I heard about them on Monday night, but I was up all that night doing game work, and the rest of the week was packed too, so I just didn't let it sink in. But I had my nice slow meal tonight, and I just sat and read the paper, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I nearly started crying right there in the dining hall.
I know this will sound cruel, but it wasn't so much for the people who died. I mean, yes it's horrible that wonderful, bright young people died, but you know gruesome and wrongful death isn't a new thing in the world (well for that matter, most anything isn't new...). As many op eds will readily point out, you don't need to look any further than Baghdad for that, or any number of other places. So while it hurts more because it was people just about as similar to me as you could possibly get, you can't just say "omg this is the most tragic event ever"... just like I'd be wrong to think that Dad's dying was any honestly any more important than any other death by cancer.
But what got me was the responses... what people say. It seems like the people who observe such things are split between those simply without words, and those who just can't talk enough. Not that that's bad, but just... the hate... I can't take it. Anything from how cowardly and sick Cho (the shooter) was, to how ineffective security was at preventing the deaths in the time between he first started and the real tragedy hours later, to society as a whole screwing him up. Everyone wants to blame, to find who was wrong, because god knows that somebody must be wrong. One op-ed in particular made me nearly lose it. It was titled something to the effect of "Stop the blaming", so I thought I'd find relief in it. Instead, it spoke for a few paras on why not to blame any other party, but eventually concluded with something like "we only have the cowardly cho to blame... he did this... he is wrong."
I can't take those sort of accusations, those blunt declarations of, quite simply, as they see it, what happened, what the right and wrong was. It's my problem that I can't see evil... I guess I'd say I don't believe in it. I mean, yes there's so much wrong in the world, but I just... I don't sense evil, that there's somebody who is the wrong one. I think of everybody as a human, and I can't label somebody who is so upset as to shoot over 30 other people as some sort of "coward". I mean jesus christ, people, remind me the logic of that again? He was so cowardly that he... shot everybody then blew a hole in his head? Why is this cowardly? Is it brave? No, but is everything that is not brave cowardly?
But it's not just him... it's everybody blaming everybody. People can be ineffective and not on the right track, but I guess I just want to cry because I don't say "ah you idiots were wrong and I was right". Or maybe I do... and so I guess I hate myself for that.
It's the video game mentality, the video game worldview, that's what I can't handle. When distressing events happen, you just watch people segment up, choose sides, prepare for the conflict, fight the fight.... it's like they're all just in this big game where they MUST win. I know that's a weird take on games, but it's so true. I think I have such difficulty formulating my game ideas because, frankly, they're not games. That's what I'm finally letting solidify. Games are not just anything; they are competitive, they have fights, some sort of struggle. No matter the type, there is the effort, the trying to "win", whatever that is. It's just that I can't imagine that that is all there is, that voila... we've been searching for the meaning of existence, there it is... to struggle in conflict.
No, I'm not suggesting that games created this sort of mentality. Not like they're that powerful or widespread. I mean that video games are the product of that mentality... If you just started out saying "we make interactive, electronic entertainment", nothing there says that you make games. But almost all of what that covers today, all of it is games. And so I just.... I talk to much, that's what. That's enough.
I know this will sound cruel, but it wasn't so much for the people who died. I mean, yes it's horrible that wonderful, bright young people died, but you know gruesome and wrongful death isn't a new thing in the world (well for that matter, most anything isn't new...). As many op eds will readily point out, you don't need to look any further than Baghdad for that, or any number of other places. So while it hurts more because it was people just about as similar to me as you could possibly get, you can't just say "omg this is the most tragic event ever"... just like I'd be wrong to think that Dad's dying was any honestly any more important than any other death by cancer.
But what got me was the responses... what people say. It seems like the people who observe such things are split between those simply without words, and those who just can't talk enough. Not that that's bad, but just... the hate... I can't take it. Anything from how cowardly and sick Cho (the shooter) was, to how ineffective security was at preventing the deaths in the time between he first started and the real tragedy hours later, to society as a whole screwing him up. Everyone wants to blame, to find who was wrong, because god knows that somebody must be wrong. One op-ed in particular made me nearly lose it. It was titled something to the effect of "Stop the blaming", so I thought I'd find relief in it. Instead, it spoke for a few paras on why not to blame any other party, but eventually concluded with something like "we only have the cowardly cho to blame... he did this... he is wrong."
I can't take those sort of accusations, those blunt declarations of, quite simply, as they see it, what happened, what the right and wrong was. It's my problem that I can't see evil... I guess I'd say I don't believe in it. I mean, yes there's so much wrong in the world, but I just... I don't sense evil, that there's somebody who is the wrong one. I think of everybody as a human, and I can't label somebody who is so upset as to shoot over 30 other people as some sort of "coward". I mean jesus christ, people, remind me the logic of that again? He was so cowardly that he... shot everybody then blew a hole in his head? Why is this cowardly? Is it brave? No, but is everything that is not brave cowardly?
But it's not just him... it's everybody blaming everybody. People can be ineffective and not on the right track, but I guess I just want to cry because I don't say "ah you idiots were wrong and I was right". Or maybe I do... and so I guess I hate myself for that.
It's the video game mentality, the video game worldview, that's what I can't handle. When distressing events happen, you just watch people segment up, choose sides, prepare for the conflict, fight the fight.... it's like they're all just in this big game where they MUST win. I know that's a weird take on games, but it's so true. I think I have such difficulty formulating my game ideas because, frankly, they're not games. That's what I'm finally letting solidify. Games are not just anything; they are competitive, they have fights, some sort of struggle. No matter the type, there is the effort, the trying to "win", whatever that is. It's just that I can't imagine that that is all there is, that voila... we've been searching for the meaning of existence, there it is... to struggle in conflict.
No, I'm not suggesting that games created this sort of mentality. Not like they're that powerful or widespread. I mean that video games are the product of that mentality... If you just started out saying "we make interactive, electronic entertainment", nothing there says that you make games. But almost all of what that covers today, all of it is games. And so I just.... I talk to much, that's what. That's enough.
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